Syed Mujtaba Ali
HOME AND ABROAD, DESHEY BIDHESHEY
Translated and Edited by Siddique Mahmudur Rahman
CHAPTER – FIVE
Pathan’s are very lazy and pass their time in lazy discussions, but are not comfort-lovers, the little they seek for are not very costly. I have heard from the tourists that those, who are bodily strength, are very meek and mild. I found out it is true with the Pathans too. In the newspapers we read about the hoodlumism of the Pathans, there is causes behind it. It is an unfertile land, they do not know much about business, entire country can not serve in the army. So, what else they can do without snatching things out of the travelers! But what unruly temper they show while looting, they don’t show it otherwise. The main cause is they never lose temper, let aside the Panjabees, and even they lose it, they don’t look for rifle. Though these’s some exceptions— Pathans are not the saints, prepared by the Almighty! If he is called a n ‘unfaithful’ or ‘infidel’, his temper shots up as high as the temperature of the Khyber Pass, and if he silently counts how many murder he has to perform. But he is not much efficient in mathematics, so there is one or extra! If he is investigated about this matter, the Pathan earnestly declares ‘But, have anybody thought about the financial loss I encountered by losing four bullets unnecessarily? The relatives of the deceased are lamenting for their loss, they never think of compensating my loss. Humans are very selfish. They are awfully ungrateful.’
The night before yesterday, I heard such stories at a dinner. The invitees and observers attending the dinners are the speakers of such legends. One thing showed that they were all true Pathans.
That is, their way method of taking food. A two feet wide long cloth is spread over the carpet- its length is somewhat twenty or thirty yards. On this dasterkhan- serving place, everyone sits on both sides of that cloth, face to face. All the foods are served in large dished on it. Three plates of potato and meat, three plates of shish-kebabs, three plkates of chicken roasts, three plates of breasts and levers, three plates of pilao, and the like— one sets each on both sides and one set in the middle. Bangalees take their food in their individual plates, so they get shares of all the items of the cooked foods. But its different in the case of the Pathans. They are happy with the item they get in from of them only. Nobody will utter, give me some chicken, or I like to have shish-kebab. Somebody of the congregation would call out, ‘look there, Dost Muhammad is having only the roast. Give him some pilao’— immediately the rest of the people would pass on all the dishes of pilao to him. Then they will be engrossed into conversation. Rest of the period they will forget to look at him and not remember whether he is drying of in the desert of pilao or drowned into the gravy of mutton curry. And if you look into the meet, you will see most of the guests are ready to sacrifice their own satisfaction for enjoying the warmth of the conversation. Most of them will be chewing dry bread listening to and enjoying the stories and legends the others are telling. It seemed to them to satisfy the belly one has to look at the plate, arrange the foodstuff, troublesome! How could I look at the face of the narrator, then? And if I don’t look at his face how could I enjoy his dialogue?
Whereas, most of them are members of the well-to-do family. They eat sumptuous fodd each day in their house. But first rule of the Pathan life if when you eat alone, eat whatever you like, but when you are in the company and friends, its better to chew dry breads. Omar Khayam said—
Tobo sathi hoye Doghdho morutey
Poth bhuley tobu mori
Tomare chharhia Mosjide gia
Ki hobe mantra swari?[1]
Omar has expressed his view in the polished method of bourgeois poets. The Pathans expresses his view in the rough proletariat way in his pidgin Urdu—
Dost!
Tumhari roti, Hamari gost.[2]’
‘It is my great pleasure that you have invited me. You have only dry bread to serve? Nothing to worry about, I will cut a piece of meat from my body.’
The trend now is followed in the poetic field, it appears to me that liquor prepared by the laborers are far more valuable than Omar’s wine.
But, one thing is to make clear. The difference between the proletariat and the bourgeois of the Pathans are absolutely economical. They are equal in their heart and mind. The difference between them is some are well-informed, the other is not. Some read Shakespeare, other has not. I did not find ant difference between the two community in the matters of their ideals. Even tody they follow the ideals of century-old tradition of clan to sacrifice and taking revenge policy.
This philosophy has been cleared to me by one professor of Islamia college. After explaining the sociological background in details and examples, he said,
‘Let me tell you the example of Professor Khudabukhs. He used to explain everything of human society in the lights of economics and making that into a palatable drink, in this scorched and dry country, he pours it down to his students’ brain. Even he does to spare the religion. Jesus Christ has introduced he new religion by introducing the new distribution system of the wealth. For that the poor were benefitted the most— so the most wretched fishermen came and assembled beside him. Holiest Muhammad eliminated method of interest of the distribution system of the wealth and made it as unadorned as the deserts of Arab land. These are all materialistic matters- even the spiritualistic matters were also chiseled down with economic theories. But leave this thing aside. The professor has pressed his eyes in the eye-pieces of the telescope of wealth that we dared he can see anything else without it.
‘A month ago his eldest son died. The boy was studying in the Matriculation class, brilliant student, was very studious like his father. It was natural he might get hurt, but he was unmoved. He attended the college as usual. During the tea break, we went to console him, but he went on explaining in which economic philosophy Zoroaster indoctrinate King Gush asp into his new religion. Three days later, his second son died of typhoid, Khudabukhs was absorbed with one of the three pitaks of Buddhism, or God knows what! Within a month, his wife died in ther parent’s house- Khudabukhs was busy with the economic influence of Alexander’s invasion to Sind.
‘We have, by then, lost all hopes regarding Khudabukhs, he must have become insane researching and teaching history. And we also thought, as Pathanism is the peak of magnitude of human society, Khudabukhs’s Pathansim has completely withered away in the nothingness of five senses high above all the feelings, even beyond the ranges of his historical telescope.
‘Suddenly we heard his younger brother has died- he was serving in the army. Khudabukhs was absent from the college. We all went to enquire about him. We saw he was rolling down on his prehistoric torn carpet. Books and manuscripts, maps and compass are all strewn all sides. His spectacles are broken due to his rolling. An old uncle told us, he didn’t touched even a drop of water.
‘He was wailing in high pitched voice, saying, ‘My brother is dead.’ We have never seen any man such broken down in sorrow. We tried to console him, but Khudabukhs went on uttering the same word, ‘My brother is dead.’
‘Later on I couldn’t bear and said, ‘You are a scholar, why are you so engrossed in sorrow. And we know, have seen also, how you could bear the distress- you have lost your two able sons, your dear wife, but we have nor seen you aggrieved.’
‘Khudabukhs looked at my face in such a manner, that I have turned complete insane. He said, ‘I couldn’t believe you can say this. What wrong my son is dead? I can have more son. My wife is dead, so what I can marry again. But where can I find a brother?’ Then he started crying out, ‘My brother is dead’.
After the professor completed, I said, Ramchandra also wailed the same way after his brother Lakhsman’s death.’
Ahmad Ali said, ‘Lakhsman? Ramchander? Is there a legend of the Hindus? Please tell us about it. You only listen to our stories, never tell one.’
O God, the Almighty! Shall I have to tell the epic, that great poet Balmiki told us, in my pidgin Urdu? I said, request Professor Khudabukhs. He will tell you the economic influence of this epic.
The professor asked, ‘Wasn’t Ramchandra a great warrior?’
I said, ‘Positively.’
The professor said, ‘That’s the inherent theory. The valiant and the warriors love their brothers dearly. Where do you find valiant like the Pathans?’
I said, ‘But professor Khudabukhs was not a warrior..’
The professor said, ‘That’s the more intricate theory. Whether you are a professor or not, you can not leave your Pathanism. Economic theories are all filmy coverings- you give a scratch and the main plate is uncovered.’
Major Mohammad Khgan said, ‘One should not be a Pathan, to love his brother. Joseph used to love his brother Benjamin.’
Professor said, ‘Don’t speak of the Jews. One of Adam’s son killed the other.’
I said, ‘Isn’t the Pathans are one of the lost tribes of the Jews? I have read somewhere that when they saw they were allotted this dry, deadly country, Afghanistan, they started crying— in Persian, which is called Fagan- for that this country was named Afghanistan? You are all Afghans- after living in this country has become Indian.’
Professor smiled like a scholar and said, ‘If you have uttered this theory thirty years earlier, we would have praised you, time has changed. In those days we didn’t know that all big nations declare to be the Arians. Then it was claimed that to become an aristrocrat, one have to be either a lion or a monkey inside cages of the Jewish zoo. But time has changed— now we are all Arians. There’s something called bedas- we have recited those first. We have defeated Alexander in the battle and Gandhar sculptors are the samples of our objet d’art. ‘Gandhar’ and ‘Kandahar’ are of same origin. As there is no G in Arabic. they have pronounced it differently.’
I was becoming totally at a loss with the deluge of scholarly discourse. But whenever there are problems and predicaments, there are always police as protectors. Ahmad Ali turned to me and said, ‘Do not count on professor’s dialogues. Whatever discourses bloom up in the tea-room of the Islamia collehe, professor is serving some of it to you in a beautiful saucer. Tru Pathans do not unwind his turban thinking over this subject. Afridi think Afridis are the best nation in the world; Momonds say, all rubbish, if there is any nation in this world lovable to God, then it is Momond, Even they disown to be the Afghans.’
I asked, ‘So, that is why you do not want to be the part of Afghanistan?’
All the Pathans cried out in unison, ‘Surely not. We want to be liberated frontier— and it will be called Pathan Territory.
Professor said, ‘Haven’t you heard soap-box lecture of the Pathan? He says, O Pathan brethren, come forward, let us wipe out every thing; democracy, autocracy, bureaucracy, communism, dictatorship— everything.’ On of the audience cried out, ‘Are you then anarchist?’ The Pathan said, ‘No I want to eliminate anarchy too.’
Professor looked at me and said, ‘Are you clear?’
I said, ‘Sure. Rabindranath used to say, ‘become absorbed, rapt, engrossed, listless, stupefied, and then turn into nothingness’. Isn’t it?
Everybody said in harmony, ‘That’s right.’
[1] With you, my friend, I’d rather die
In the desert, forgetting the path.
How dare I recite Scriptures in the temple,
Leaving you behind, my friend?
[2] Friend! Your Bread and my flesh